I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
