You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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