i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
