if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
