My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
