Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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