The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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