Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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