i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
