did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
