SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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