So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
