capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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