after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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