i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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