SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
