theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So vagazzling was a success
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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