I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
