I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
