I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
