Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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