I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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