Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
