i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
