just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
