So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
