My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
