I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
