This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
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