He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
