Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
