I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
