HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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