'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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