Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Randomize
