I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
