I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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