I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
