i may or may not be watching the land before time
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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