i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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