Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
