I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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