i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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