I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i will never coherently bang her
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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