:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You were trust falling into bushes
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
