good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Even my vagina gasped.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
