I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
