Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
