his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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