Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
