Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
