Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
