This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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