I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
