my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
