I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
