I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
