I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I didn't notice because vodka
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
